Create space to think.
OVERVIEW
We all experience strong emotions from time to time, it’s part of being human. But when we are hoping to think clearly, such as when we need to focus on a complex problem or concentrate on our performance, strong emotions are rarely helpful and can lead to rash judgement and uncharacteristic behaviors.
Step back and observe your feelings so that you can get a hold on them in the way you want to – it’s a way of re-establishing balance. When you’re experiencing negative emotions, your brain is more likely to focus on negative thoughts which may lead to unwanted behaviors.
THE DETAILS
Think back to a time when you have been late for an appointment. You’re already feeling tense and perhaps a bit annoyed with yourself for not getting ready sooner. If the traffic builds and delays you further, those negative feelings might turn into negative thoughts against other road users.
Perhaps you drive a little more aggressively than usual…which isn’t safe, may cause you to reflect badly on yourself once you’ve calmed down later and when you finally reach your appointment. You’ll be less likely to perform at your best.
We sometimes need to diffuse highly charged emotions to enable us to take back control of how we’re feeling because this in turn affects how we think and how we act. Have a look at the Cognitive Behavior Model to remind yourself how thoughts, feeling and behaviours are all linked and influence each other.
Have a look at the page on Breathing Techniques. These work really well in conjunction with Emotional Diffusion Techniques.
Exercise
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CHECK: If you find yourself in an emotionally charged situation or you can predict one in the near future; check in with yourself.
Are you aware of any of your red-flag indicators?
Red flags might include:
Short and quick breathing
Feeling hot
Tensing up
Only being able to see negatives in the situation
Being unable to view multiple courses of action or outcomes
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CHALLENGE: Here’s the point to challenge yourself: don’t wait until you become more emotionally charged.
If you can, remove yourself physically from the situation, even if it’s just for one minute. If you can’t physically remove yourself, take ten deep breaths, making sure your out breaths are longer than your in breaths.
Try to make an objective appraisal of the situation and attempt to list even just a few positives in your current situation. Even just looking for a positive will help break a negative cycle.
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CHANGE: In the space you’ve created by taking time out and by breaking a potentially negative cycle by listing positives, you can now choose how you are going to act.
LISTEN TO THE TOOL